Stupid "Feeling"..

Yesterday i slept at seven o'clock. Tot can wake up at 8 but eventually woke up at 6. Yes, 11 hours. Therefore, i had wasted whole night. I duno wat makes me so tired. Is my mind tired? Or my body is tired? I guess is my mind tired of fighting with this 'feeling'.
This 'feeling' existed since long ago. But it was not so severe. Recently, this stupid 'feeling' becoming stronger and stronger, it even affects my everyday work and i reli cant resist it.
After this 'feeling' attacked me, i will end up with depression for the whole day. It came to a stage that i nid to use cold bath to suppress this feelings.
That day i let go everything that kept in my heart, i tot it will help me to get better, but it was not.
I'm getting even worst. I shouldn't let it out, should just locked it up in my heart as long as possible.
I realized that we are not possible, but i really duno why my heart is pulling towards u.
I know even my heart did that, he will never reach its destination. It is just like the N pole and S pole, when ever 1 side try so hard to get closer to the another, it eventually ended up in repelling.
To be frank, I'm really scared that i will become smaller and smaller in yr eyesight.
Sometime i just wished to jump down from the building so that everything can be solved.
I was always saying i dun expect anything from u.. That is the bigger lies i had said.
You had become irresistible to me. I prayed everynight that i will dream u.
As that the only possibility to get tgt with u..
Argghhh.. Exam is just around the corner.. Y am i still acting like this..
Stupid low mun han. I hate U!!! Slap u slap u.. Slap until u wake up from yr stupid dream...
Useless me.. Haih...
God, pls save this guy...